


Yelling at the Moon

by slowjaems



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Pining, background!nomin, but a happy ending, markhyuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 03:28:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18842698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slowjaems/pseuds/slowjaems
Summary: He’s sat in the back of cars every Friday and wondered if the boy beside him ever loved him. But this Friday, Donghyuck just knows.





	Yelling at the Moon

So, I was on Twitter and saw a [tweet](https://twitter.com/sikenpoems/status/1120995181753450496), and I was inspired to write this.  

 

 

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.”

– Richard Siken

 

 

 

 

Mark and Donghyuck are intoxicated.

This is nothing new for them on a Friday night. Mark had never been much of a drinker, but Donghyuck figures that his acceptance letter to an actual University had probably scared him into the habit. Usually, Donghyuck would have to beg Mark to accompany him to parties. But now, Mark was the one calling him just before midnight, telling him to get dressed because he’d be picking him up in the next ten minutes. What followed were nights under neon lights, dancing until the sweat drenched Donghyuck’s leather jackets, shot after shot until Mark’s face was permanently flushed and his smile a bit too wobbly, and the warmth, so much warmth, from the bodies brushing against them, from Jaemin, the clingiest drunk, clawing at Donghyuck’s jacket and then grabbing his arms, his shoulders, his _neck_ – and then there was the warmth in Donghyuck’s belly when Mark so much as looked at him. It’s terrible, Donghyuck is _terrible_ , but Mark is just way worse.

He laughs, quite loudly, in Donghyuck’s ear when Jaemin spills most of his beer on himself while trying to chug to the pace of the terrible EDM music surrounding them. Mark Lee has a rambunctious laugh, like a child on Christmas morning. Donghyuck’s breath hitches for so long upon hearing, that his first breath after always feels a bit like suffocating. Donghyuck is going to suffocate one day because of Mark lee. Mark isn’t a clingy drunk like Jaemin, but he’s a terrible hoverer. When they play some electro mix of Smooth Criminal  (which Donghyuck thinks is just terrible, but this is his idol so he’s going to dance anyway), with Jaemin hyping him up, Donghyuck dances so hard that he loses track of his surroundings. He nearly throws up the shots of Vodka Jaemin had given him mere seconds prior when he bumps into someone. Because he’s a tad bit tipsy (read: wasted), it feels like he’s turning around in slow motion, expecting to be met with another equally shitfaced teenager.

Instead, it’s just Mark, all bright teeth, flushed cheeks, and hazy eyes – he’s smiling so impossibly wide that Donghyuck pauses, tries to breathe, and then chokes.  Jaemin, despite being terribly wasted, returns to his senses almost immediately. He rushes the small distance over and rubs Donghyuck’s back like his life depends on it.

“Hyuck, what’s wrong?” And now Mark is leaning in, and the lights are a faded neon blue that make him look distressed and worried and much too concerned for Donghyuck’s liking. He grabs Donghyuck’s arm so gently that Donghyuck kind of wants to reel back because _why_ is Mark always so gentle with him. He’s not broken or fragile, just extremely drunk and horribly in love.

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Donghyuck mutters, because Mark is too close. He’s too much.

“Hey, we’re ready to go. Think you could meet us out front?” Jaemin is already on the phone with Jeno, who decided to stay home and study for a Chemistry exam despite how anxious he was about letting Jaemin go to a party without him. It wasn’t Jaemin that he didn’t trust, it was more so the people who became instantly smitten with Jaemin and his easygoing nature and pretty smiles. Also, he was their designated driver. There’s plenty of space in Jeno’s Range Rover and Donghyuck is thankful that he won’t be cramped in an Uber with Mark. He didn’t think he could take being any closer to the other or he’d burn from the inside out. Mark was too warm, he was too close – he was way too much, and Donghyuck just wants to get away. He leans over, trying to calm his stomach, soothe his head, and just breathe.

But then Mark is there, leaning close like always, reaching over and brushing his hair back with sweaty hands. Donghyuck looks up and Mark smiles. Mark is _always_ smiling at him. Donghyuck maintains eye contact for all of two seconds before he laughs, an airy, miserable sound and then bites back the bile rising in his throat. Jaemin is still on the phone, slurring out how much he loves Jeno and can’t wait to see him (even though they’ve only been apart for a good four hours), so Mark reaches over and rubs Donghyuck’s back. But unlike Jaemin, Mark just has to take it an extra step.

He steps closer until Donghyuck can smell the alcohol on his breath and then, he rests his cheek flush against Donghyuck’s as if he isn’t afraid of being puked on. Mark’s skin is clammy and sweaty, but mostly, it’s cool, soft, and welcoming. It contrasts with the heat threatening to burn Donghyuck from the inside out. Next are Mark’s hands, they come up to rest on each side of Donghyuck’s head. The pounding, aching feeling that had been plaguing Donghyuck ceases almost immediately. But the beating of his heart is still irregular and the twisting in his stomach is driving him crazy. He wants to push Mark away. Instead, he closes his eyes and hopes he’ll get better soon. And he isn’t thinking about the alcohol. It was _never_ about the alcohol.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

If their nights consisted of drunken raves and wasted adventures, their early mornings consisted of stumbling into McDonald’s, ordering large French fries and too many chicken nuggets for their two containers of sweet n sour sauce, and throwing bits of McFlurrys at each other then apologizing profusely to the staff for making a mess of their booth. But apparently, tonight Jeno has decided that looking after three drunks is too much work. He tells them to stay in the car while he goes and gets them food. Jaemin whines, pouts, and grumbles until Jeno gives in (which is all of ten seconds later) and allows him to go inside the McDonald’s as well. Mark and Donghyuck are left in the back of the Range Rover. Mark is lazily scrolling through Jeno’s phone on Spotify, only to give up in his inebriated state, hitting shuffle on a random playlist. He slumps against the backseat with a quiet sigh as the [first song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3Qzzggn--s) comes resonating from the Range Rover's speakers. Donghyuck is seated as far away from the older boy as possible, clutching the door handle in case he needs to run. From Mark or the intense curling in his stomach, he’s not too sure.

But Mark is Mark and he can’t go one second without overwhelming Donghyuck, always. The older boy smiles all coyly and drunkenly before scooting over so that his thigh is brushing against Donghyuck’s.

“Feeling better now, Hyuckie?” He asks, all sweet and nice, and Donghyuck really tries not to scream or throw up.

“Don’t touch me.” He tries to say as politely as possible. But there is no polite way to tell Mark to get away because he’s too overwhelming. Donghyuck can’t describe the movements of his heart when Mark so much as even looked at him. It was foreign to him too.

“Sorry,” Mark says unsurely, like he’s not sure if Donghyuck is serious or not. But he doesn’t move away, instead he squints his eyes, tilts his head, and asks, “But why not?”

“What do you mean ‘why not’?” Donghyuck scoffs. Since when did Mark Lee own any other parts of him besides his heart? His stupid, foolish heart…

“Why can’t I touch you?” Mark retorts, and in his wasted state he confuses himself. He snorts, head wobbling drunkenly before he presses, “Or, like, since when did you have an issue with me touching you?”

“I have an issue with a lot of things you do, Mark Lee.” Donghyuck replies, but he’s really not in the mood to name any of them. Though if he could, he’d ask why Mark thought it was okay to make Donghyuck fall so horribly in love him with him. He kind of wants to know how Mark would “fix” an issue like that.

“Like?” Mark presses quietly. He’s not quite looking at the boy beside him, but instead at the back of the seat in front of them, like he’s expecting something, but it might not turn out how he wants it to be. But Donghyuck was defeated before the night even began, so he slumps against the back seat and murmurs -

“Nothing. Just forget it, Mark. I’m tired.”

Mark has the audacity to look like a kicked puppy, one that Donghyuck really wished he didn’t find so cute. The older boy’s eyes are wide and dejected, and it’s a terrible sight – Donghyuck hates that he caused it.

“Did I do something wrong?” Mark asks quietly, eyes downcast.

“No, I just –“ _I just really fucking love you, and it’s starting to kill me_ – But Donghyuck stops himself. He always stops himself. This time, he takes a deep breath, sighs heavily, then looks away from Mark and practically begs, “I need some space. Please just give me space.”

“Okay” Mark is quick to comply. He’s always quick to do whatever Donghyuck wants, to get him whatever he needs. And it’s really not fair to Donghyuck’s already aching heart. Mark scoots away a bit, enough to give Donghyuck’s space. But he can’t let Donghyuck just be upset, so he says so very quietly, “I’m sorry, Hyuckie – whatever I did, I’m sorry.”

But it’s actually enough to break Lee Donghyuck.

“God, where the fuck is Jeno with those chicken nuggets?” Donghyuck tries to say, but it’s a broken attempt at a joke and his voice cracks and then he crumbles.

He buries his burning face in his hands and tries to get the world to stop for a moment so that he can catch up. His hands are shaking, and his heart is scaring him with just how fast and hard its beating. This is the first Friday in which he’s not sure if he’ll be okay. This Friday, he may break entirely. Everything is just too hard. And Donghyuck is so very tired. He’s so overwhelmed by the effects of the alcohol and the heartbreak that he doesn’t notice Mark scooting back towards him. Donghyuck stiffens when he feels arms wrap around him, gently but so very secure – holding him up, holding him in place, holding him _together_.

“I know you want space, but you look so sad, Hyuckie.” Mark whispers from where his face is buried in Donghyuck’s neck like it belongs there. They’re quiet for a moment, the only sound coming from Donghyuck’s labored breathing before the older boy asks almost timidly, “I did do something, right? It’s okay, I’m always messing things up. You always end up sad around me, but I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. It makes me think you won’t be sad when I finally go off to Uni. Just please, before I go, tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

Mark cannot fix things. He can’t fix just how warm Donghyuck feels around him and he can’t fix how just how bad Donghyuck’s heart aches when they’re apart. But Donghyuck doesn’t have the heart to tell him this. So, he laughs, a hoarse, quiet sound, so unlike Lee Donghyuck.  

“Do you really think-“ He starts, pulling back from the older boy’s embrace, “-that I won’t miss you when you leave, Mark Lee? For fucks sake, you’re sitting right next to me and it already feels like you’re thousands of miles away.”

“But I’m right here, Hyuck.” Mark says firmly, looking Donghyuck in the eye, “And I want to know what I’m doing wrong.”

“But you don’t.” Donghyuck says quietly, avoiding the older boy’s gaze. He laughs, a bit bitterly before muttering, “Or at least you won’t when I tell you, so just be quiet and wait for your stupid Big Mac.”

“You’re so stubborn.” Mark says, shaking his head. He leans against the backseat, looking at the stars reflected in the rearview mirror before sighing. And then, he adds, “There was something I wanted to do tonight, but when you got sick, I kind of lost the nerve to do it.”

“Well boohoo, sucks for you Mark lee,” Donghyuck replies, because Mark could be so dramatic sometimes, “You’ll probably call me tomorrow night about another party. Whatever it is, it can wait.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes at the other boy, but he misses the way Mark closes his eyes and hopes, _wishes_ even. And then, Mark turns and looks at him.

“Actually –“ The older boy starts, scooting closer to Donghyuck once more, “I don’t think it can anymore.”

And then, Mark Lee leans in. Donghyuck is not sure how many nights he has dreamed about this moment. He’s waited every Friday for it. If he felt warm before, he was absolutely burning up now. He watches as Mark gets so impossibly close, and he can smell the alcohol again. But this time, Donghyuck doesn’t care. No, when Mark’s lips are mere seconds away from meeting his, Lee Donghyuck closes his eyes, smiles, and then promptly vomits in front of the boy he’s loved for the past six years. Mark jumps, leaning out of the way just in time. His hand goes to Donghyuck’s back instantly, rubbing soothing circles while the younger rids himself of all of the alcohol Jaemin had practically forced down his throat that night. Once Donghyuck is finished (and horribly embarrassed), Mark fishes through Jeno’s glove compartment for tissues and paper towels. He wipes around Donghyuck’s mouth delicately with a tissue, all the while trying to hold back his laughter.

“Fuck, Jeno is going to kill me.” Donghyuck groans. The Range Rover was a sixteenth birthday present for Jeno from his parents, and it was also his baby, right after Na Jaemin, of course.

“Yep” Mark agrees, but then he grins and adds, “But you know Hyuck, I think he’ll be more relieved that we’ve finally admitted our feelings.”

“I didn’t admit to anything.” Donghyuck murmurs, looking down and avoiding the gaze of the older boy. When did he ever agree to liking Mark Lee? But most importantly, when did his heart agree to loving him?  

“No, your puke did all of the talking for you,” Mark says, snickering when Donghyuck swats at him weakly. When the younger has lost all of his strength, Mark goes quietly briefly and then grins, “You know, you’re still cute when your queasy and whiny.”

“You’re disgusting,” Donghyuck says, looking up with his flushed cheeks. But as soon as he finds himself staring face to face with Mark, he quickly looks down again to murmur, “I’m praying for whatever University that accepted the likes of Mark Lee, please, come get him already,”

“Really Hyuck?” Is Mark’s amused reply. There’s a small silence in which Donghyuck finds himself staring at the small, empty space between them. But then it’s replaced by Mark’s dark jeans and pale hands that come to grip Donghyuck’s in a gentle hold. Donghyuck feels it then, the clammy, softness of Mark’s forehead when it comes to rest against his. And then, he hears it, so quietly from Mark’s lips, “I’ll miss you too.”

But Donghyuck will _definitely_ miss him more.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

Jeno isn’t really upset about the mess in his car, how can he be when Mark looks at him and smiles in a way that says, “I finally got ahold of the sun”. Jaemin is already rambling about a double date for Valentine’s day (which is still several months away), McFlurry smeared around his mouth as his head lulls about drunkenly. Jeno just shakes his head and wipes his boyfriend’s mouth with his sleeve at every red light. Donghyuck is laying lifelessly against the backseat door in his exhaustion. Mark is laying against his side, dark strands of hair tickling Donghyuck’s bare arm (Mark had forced him to take off his jacket, he claimed it was making his nausea worse).

He’s scrolling on his phone and when Donghyuck looks down tiredly, he can see the older boy scrolling through a photo album on his phone titled “fullsun”. Donghyuck feels his face flush when he takes in his own face, bronze, bright, and smiling in each picture that Mark swipes to. As if sensing the younger’s gaze, Mark looks up, all bright eyed and beautiful. He smiles and this time, Donghyuck smiles back. Beneath them, their hands link in a warm, sweaty hold.

In the rearview, Jeno shakes his head, smiling fondly, and Jaemin whines loudly about how they have nearly 100 chicken nuggets but no sauce. It’s just another Friday night for them, but in just a few weeks, it’ll be different. The space beside Donghyuck will be empty, but at least now, Donghyuck’s heart won’t. He’s sat in the back of cars every Friday and wondered if the boy beside him ever loved him. But this Friday, Donghyuck just _knows_.

And Lee Donghyuck, for all that knowing is worth, loves Mark Lee back.  

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first oneshot and i hope it wasn't trash lol


End file.
